Before I became a Mom, I had certain expectations about how I'd do things. A natural birth, exclusively breastfeed until at least 6 months, absolutely no television before two, bed-sharing until around that same time. Well, as life would have it, I ended up getting an epidural, gave Caisley solids before she turn 6 months old, played her a few episodes of a five minute long tv show, and she's been sleeping in her crib consistently for the past week. My plans didn't exactly work out as I had expected. However, these were things I had control over. I chose to go into the hospital for an epidural, I chose to feed her solids before her six month birthday, I chose to play her a few episodes of Maisy Mouse, and I chose to sleep alone instead of curled up beside her.
Another thing I expected to do was never rely on formula to feed my baby. I guess I should disclose that she's not currently drinking formula (due to extreme protest), but there is a can sitting in the cabinet. After 8 1/2 months of getting the majority of her nutrition from me, I'm beginning to loose so much weight that it won't be possible for me to continue on in that role. This diversion from expectation was different though. I didn't choose to have breastfeeding become detrimental to my health and well-being. To say I was upset about this development is an understatement.
Luckily, Caisley will soon replace most of her nutrition with solid foods, so I can continue to nurse her here and there during the day and throughout the night (because no, my nearly 9 month old does not yet sleep through the night).
What I've lost in ability I have gained in insight. I had to learn to let it go. This situation, although not ideal, is OKAY. This is what our story looks like. It's not what I had envisioned, but it's beautiful regardless.
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